【新山律师版权所有】

婚姻出现问题时，我们经常听到其中一方说：

“全部都是他的问题。”

“我已经忍了很多年。”

“她控制我、怀疑我，让我完全没有自由。”

这些话有时是真实的求救，但有时也可能只是一面之词。

在处理婚姻纠纷时，我们发现，有些人第一次见面时表现得非常委屈，把自己形容成婚姻中的受害者。可是随着谈话深入、文件逐渐出现，或者另一方开始说明事情经过后，我们才发现，真实情况可能完全不同。

有些人很懂得怎样讲故事，却不会主动告诉律师：

1. 自己曾经说过什么；
2. 有没有控制、威胁或羞辱配偶；
3. 有没有隐瞒财产、债务或婚外关系；
4. 有没有利用孩子向配偶施压；
5. 争执发生之前，自己做过什么；
6. 为什么对方会出现如此强烈的反应。

因此，一段婚姻是否已经无法继续，不能只看谁哭得比较伤心，也不能只听谁先来找律师。

婚姻中值得留意的14个警讯

以下行为不分丈夫或妻子。重点不是给配偶贴标签，而是观察这些问题是否长期、反复发生，并且已经影响您的安全、尊严及正常生活。

1. 长期释放负面情绪

对生活、家庭和配偶永远只有抱怨。无论您怎样努力，对方都只看见不足，让家庭变成长期的情绪消耗战。

2. 凡事必须由自己决定

所有事情都要依照对方的意思进行，从家庭开销、孩子教育到日常生活，都不愿意听取您的意见。

这已经不只是“性格强势”，而是您在婚姻中逐渐失去平等说话的空间。

3. 不愿承担家庭责任

不愿工作、不照顾家庭，也不愿参与解决问题，却不断要求配偶提供更好的物质生活。

真正的问题并不是谁赚得比较多，而是一方是否长期逃避责任，把所有压力推给另一方。

4. 容易被外人影响

亲友说了一句话，便马上回来质问配偶；网上看到某些内容，也直接套用在自己的婚姻中。

当夫妻之间失去直接沟通，婚姻很容易被父母、朋友或社交媒体左右。

5. 经常拿配偶与别人比较

“为什么别人可以买大屋？”

“人家的丈夫比较有本事。”

“别人的妻子比你温柔。”

长期比较不会使配偶进步，反而可能造成羞辱、自卑和感情疏离。

6. 每件事都必须争输赢

婚姻中的每一笔钱、每一句话、每一次争执，都要计算谁付出得比较多、谁应该道歉。

当夫妻只剩下对错和输赢，感情很容易被慢慢消耗。

7. 控制配偶的生活

干涉配偶的衣着、工作、朋友、手机、行程或个人开销，甚至要求随时报告所在地点。

关心与控制并不相同。健康的婚姻需要信任，也需要合理的个人空间。

8. 在外维持形象，回家却完全不同

有些人在亲友和社交平台上表现得温柔体贴，回到家后却冷漠、侮辱、威胁或贬低配偶。

因此，外人看到的“模范丈夫”或“幸福妻子”，不一定就是婚姻的真实面貌。

9. 永远觉得配偶做得不够

无论您付出多少，对方都认为理所当然。物质要求不断提高，精神需求也没有尽头，却很少关心您的压力与能力。

久而久之，婚姻会从共同生活变成单方面索取。

10. 过度怀疑和监视

不断检查手机、社交媒体、银行记录及行踪，在没有合理根据的情况下反复指控配偶不忠。

如果双方曾经发生欺骗，信任确实需要时间重建；但长期监视和无止境盘问，同样会令婚姻窒息。

11. 永远把原生家庭放在配偶之前

尊重父母当然重要，但若每次发生问题都无条件偏袒自己的家人，配偶便会感觉自己永远是局外人。

婚姻中的决定，应由夫妻共同商量，而不是长期由双方父母操控。

12. 以情绪逼迫配偶让步

心情不好便辱骂、摔东西、冷战、威胁离婚，甚至利用孩子或自伤言语迫使配偶服从。

情绪可以被理解，但不应成为伤害和控制配偶的理由。

13. 要求很高，却不愿共同努力

希望拥有更大的房子、更好的生活和更多享受，却不愿面对现实财务状况，也不愿共同制定计划。

梦想本身没有错，但不能把个人欲望全部变成配偶的责任。

14. 婚姻已经失去沟通与亲密

双方不再愿意陪伴、沟通或关心彼此，长期分房、互不理会，甚至只剩下孩子、房贷和日常责任把两个人绑在一起。

最令人孤独的情况，有时不是没有结婚，而是在婚姻里依然觉得自己孤身一人。

最需要小心的人：很会把自己说成受害者

婚姻纠纷里，最先指责对方的人，不一定就是完全无辜的一方。

有些人会选择性地讲述事实：

1. 只说配偶骂人，却不说自己先进行了长期挑衅；
2. 只说配偶控制金钱，却隐瞒自己曾经挥霍或负债；
3. 只说配偶检查手机，却没有提及过去的欺骗；
4. 只说对方不让自己见孩子，却不说明双方原有的照顾安排；
5. 只说自己长期受苦，却刻意删除不利于自己的信息记录。

反过来说，一个表达能力不好、情绪混乱或无法完整说明事情的人，也不代表他就是错误的一方。

所以，真正负责任的新山离婚律师，不应该在第一次见面后便急着认定谁是好人、谁是坏人。律师需要了解完整时间线，查看相关文件和沟通记录，再分析当事人的实际法律处境。

离婚并不只是签一份文件

一段婚姻结束时，可能同时涉及：

1. 离婚程序；
2. 孩子抚养权及探视安排；
3. 配偶或孩子赡养费；
4. 婚姻资产与债务；
5. 房屋贷款及产业处理；
6. 公司股份或家庭生意；
7. 临时保护与人身安全问题。

非穆斯林婚姻的离婚程序，一般受《1976年法律改革（婚姻及离婚）法令》及相关法院程序规管；穆斯林婚姻则属于伊斯兰家庭法律与伊斯兰法庭的范围。两者程序并不相同，应根据个人情况取得法律意见。

新山离婚律师：先了解事实，再决定下一步

选择结束一段长期不幸福的婚姻，并不必然代表失败；但离婚也不应该成为一时愤怒下作出的决定。

在采取行动以前，您应先了解：

1. 自己目前的法律权利；
2. 孩子可能受到什么影响；
3. 财产和债务应如何处理；
4. 分居或搬离住所可能带来的后果；
5. 哪些证据需要妥善保留；
6. 是否还有调解或协商的可能。

William Florence & Partners 为新山及柔佛一带面对婚姻纠纷的人士提供法律咨询。我们的角色不是只听一方控诉后便攻击另一方，而是先了解事实、分析文件及法律风险，再协助您作出适合自己的决定。

如果您的婚姻已经让您长期感到恐惧、受控、孤立或身心俱疲，请尽早寻求适当协助。若存在即时人身危险，应优先联系警方、医疗单位或相关保护机构。

常见问题

1. 只要双方同意，就可以直接办理离婚吗？

双方同意通常能减少争议，但仍须依照适用的法律和法院程序处理。具体要求应根据婚姻类别、结婚时间和双方情况判断。

2. 对方拒绝离婚，我是否永远不能结束婚姻？

不一定。能否提出离婚以及需要采用哪一种程序，取决于个别事实和适用法律，应先让律师评估。

3. 离婚时，孩子一定归母亲吗？

孩子安排并不是单凭父亲或母亲的身份决定。法院会根据适用法律及孩子的实际福利，考虑照顾情况、生活环境和其他相关因素。

4. 配偶说房屋是他出钱购买，我就没有任何权益吗？

不能单凭一句“谁出钱”便下结论。房屋登记、贷款、付款记录、双方贡献及其他事实都可能需要一并考虑。

5. 我应该把所有聊天记录交给律师吗？

应向自己的律师提供完整而真实的资料，包括对自己不利的部分。隐瞒重要事实可能影响律师对案件的判断和应对方式。

6. 第一次咨询，律师能不能马上判断谁对谁错？

负责任的法律意见通常需要建立在完整事实和文件上。婚姻纠纷很少能只凭一次叙述便看清全貌。

总行 — Larkin（新山）
地址：No. 34-01, Jalan Idaman 2, Taman Larkin Idaman, 80350 Larkin, Johor
电话：07-226 6533 / 07-224 2277
传真：07-223 7722
WhatsApp：016-788 9176
电邮：william.lim@wfpartners.com.my

第二分行 — Southkey（新山）
地址：C-3-28, Block C, Pusat Komersial Bayu Tasek, Persiaran Southkey 1, 80150 Johor Bahru, Johor
电话：07-287 7925
电邮：florence.toh@wfpartners.com.my

第三分行 — Nusa Jaya Mas（士古来）
地址：15A, Jalan NJM 1/1, Taman Nusa Jaya Mas, 81300 Skudai, Johor
电话：07-559 2883
手机 / WhatsApp：016-800 6743
电邮：william.lim@wfpartners.com.my
网站：https://wfnpartners.com/

如需专业的法律咨询或了解更多详情，请访问我们的官方网站： 👉 www.wfnpartners.com

免责声明

本文仅用于一般法律知识与公众醒觉，不构成针对任何个别案件的法律意见，也不应被理解为鼓励任何人离婚。每段婚姻的事实、证据、家庭情况及适用法律均可能不同。如需采取任何法律行动，请先向合资格律师取得针对个人情况的正式意见。

Warning Signs Before Divorce: Which Ones Have You Noticed?

When a marriage is in trouble, we often hear one spouse say:

“Everything is their fault.”
“I have tolerated this for many years.”
“My spouse controls me, suspects me and gives me no freedom.”

Sometimes, these words are a genuine cry for help. At other times, they may present only one side of the story.

When handling matrimonial disputes, we sometimes meet individuals who initially appear deeply aggrieved and describe themselves as the victim in the marriage. However, as the discussion progresses, documents become available or the other spouse explains what happened, the true circumstances may turn out to be very different.

Some people know how to tell a convincing story but may not voluntarily tell their lawyer:

1. What they previously said to their spouse;
2. Whether they controlled, threatened or humiliated their spouse;
3. Whether they concealed assets, debts or an extramarital relationship;
4. Whether they used the children to pressure their spouse;
5. What they did before an argument began; or
6. Why their spouse reacted so strongly.

Whether a marriage has broken down cannot be determined by who appears more upset or who consults a lawyer first.

14 Warning Signs in a Marriage

The following behaviours may be displayed by either a husband or a wife. The purpose is not to label your spouse but to consider whether these problems occur repeatedly over a prolonged period and have begun to affect your safety, dignity and daily life.

1. Constant Negativity

Your spouse continually complains about life, the family and you. Regardless of your efforts, your spouse focuses only on what is lacking, turning the home into a constant source of emotional exhaustion.

2. Insisting on Making Every Decision

Everything must be done according to your spouse’s wishes—from household expenditure and the children’s education to everyday arrangements—without properly considering your views.

This may be more than simply having a strong personality. It may mean that you are gradually losing an equal voice within the marriage.

3. Refusing to Accept Family Responsibilities

Your spouse refuses to work, care for the family or participate in solving problems but continues demanding a better material standard of living.

The real issue is not which spouse earns more. It is whether one party continuously avoids responsibility and places the entire burden on the other.

4. Being Easily Influenced by Others

A comment from a friend or relative immediately leads your spouse to question you. Something seen online is directly applied to your marriage without considering your circumstances.

When spouses stop communicating directly, the marriage can easily become controlled by parents, friends or social media.

5. Constantly Comparing You with Others

“Why can other people afford a larger house?”
“Other people’s husbands are more capable.”
“Other people’s wives are gentler than you.”

Constant comparison does not help a spouse improve. Instead, it may cause humiliation, insecurity and emotional distance.

6. Treating Every Disagreement as a Contest

Every expense, statement and disagreement becomes a calculation of who contributed more and who should apologise.

When a marriage revolves only around who is right, who is wrong, who wins and who loses, the relationship may gradually be worn down.

7. Controlling the Other Spouse’s Life

Your spouse interferes with your clothing, employment, friendships, mobile phone, movements or personal expenditure and may even require you to report your location constantly.

Care and control are not the same. A healthy marriage requires trust as well as reasonable personal space.

8. Maintaining a Public Image but Behaving Differently at Home

Some people appear gentle and considerate before relatives, friends and on social media but become cold, insulting, threatening or demeaning towards their spouse at home.

The “model husband” or “happy wife” seen by outsiders may not reflect the true state of the marriage.

9. Believing That Your Efforts Are Never Enough

No matter how much you contribute, your spouse treats it as an entitlement. Material demands continue to increase, emotional expectations are endless, and little consideration is given to your pressure or actual capabilities.

Over time, the marriage may change from a shared life into a one-sided relationship based on demands.

10. Excessive Suspicion and Monitoring

Your spouse constantly checks your mobile phone, social media, bank records and movements, repeatedly accusing you of infidelity without reasonable grounds.

If there has previously been dishonesty, rebuilding trust may genuinely take time. However, prolonged surveillance and endless interrogation can also suffocate a marriage.

11. Always Putting the Family of Origin Before the Spouse

Respecting one’s parents is important. However, if your spouse unconditionally sides with their family whenever a problem arises, you may feel that you will always remain an outsider.

Decisions affecting the marriage should be discussed between the spouses instead of being continuously controlled by either spouse’s parents.

12. Using Emotions to Force the Spouse to Give In

When upset, your spouse insults you, throws objects, refuses to communicate, threatens divorce or uses the children or threats of self-harm to force you to comply.

Emotions may be understood, but they should not be used as a justification for harming or controlling a spouse.

13. Having High Expectations Without Making a Joint Effort

Your spouse expects a larger home, a better lifestyle and greater enjoyment but refuses to face the family’s actual financial circumstances or make plans together.

There is nothing wrong with having aspirations. However, one person’s desires should not become entirely the other spouse’s responsibility.

14. Loss of Communication and Intimacy

Both spouses no longer wish to spend time together, communicate or care for one another. They may sleep separately, ignore each other for extended periods and remain connected only by the children, housing loan and everyday responsibilities.

Sometimes, the deepest loneliness is not being unmarried—it is feeling entirely alone while still married.

Be Cautious When Someone Is Highly Skilled at Presenting Themselves as the Victim

The person who first blames the other spouse is not necessarily the completely innocent party.

Some people selectively describe what happened:

1. They say that their spouse used abusive language but omit their own prolonged provocation;
2. They say that their spouse controlled the finances but conceal their own excessive spending or debts;
3. They complain that their spouse checked their phone but do not disclose previous dishonesty;
4. They say that the other spouse prevented them from seeing the children but omit the existing caregiving arrangements; or
5. They say that they suffered for years but deliberately delete messages that may be unfavourable to them.

Conversely, a person who has difficulty expressing themselves, appears emotionally distressed or cannot provide a complete account is not necessarily the party at fault.

A responsible Johor Bahru divorce lawyer should not decide who is “good” or “bad” after the first meeting. The lawyer should understand the complete timeline, examine the relevant documents and communications, and assess the client’s actual legal position.

Divorce Involves More Than Signing a Document

When a marriage ends, it may involve:

1. Divorce proceedings;
2. Custody, care and control, and access arrangements for the children;
3. Maintenance for the spouse or children;
4. Matrimonial assets and debts;
5. Housing loans and the treatment of property;
6. Company shares or a family business; and
7. Interim protection and personal-safety issues.

Divorce involving a non-Muslim marriage is generally governed by the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976 and the applicable court procedures. A Muslim marriage falls within the jurisdiction of Islamic family law and the Syariah Courts.

The procedures are different, and legal advice should be obtained according to the individual circumstances.

Johor Bahru Divorce Lawyer: Understand the Facts Before Deciding the Next Step

Choosing to end a long and unhappy marriage does not necessarily represent failure. However, divorce should not be a decision made solely in a moment of anger.

Before taking any action, you should understand:

1. Your present legal rights;
2. How the children may be affected;
3. How the assets and debts may be dealt with;
4. The possible consequences of separating or leaving the matrimonial home;
5. What evidence should be properly preserved; and
6. Whether mediation or negotiation remains possible.

William Florence & Partners provides legal advice to individuals facing matrimonial disputes in Johor Bahru and throughout Johor.

Our role is not to listen to one party’s allegations and immediately attack the other spouse. We first seek to understand the facts, analyse the documents and identify the legal risks before assisting you in making an informed decision suited to your circumstances.

If your marriage has caused you to feel afraid, controlled, isolated or physically and emotionally exhausted over a prolonged period, you should seek appropriate assistance as early as possible.

If there is an immediate threat to your personal safety, priority should be given to contacting the police, medical services or the relevant protection agencies.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. If both parties agree, can they proceed with the divorce immediately?

Mutual agreement will generally reduce the areas of dispute. However, the divorce must still comply with the applicable law and court procedures. The specific requirements will depend on the type and duration of the marriage and the parties’ circumstances.

2. If my spouse refuses to agree to a divorce, does that mean I can never end the marriage?

Not necessarily. Whether divorce proceedings may be commenced and which procedure should be used will depend on the facts and applicable law. A lawyer should first assess the circumstances.

3. Will the mother automatically obtain custody of the children?

Arrangements for the children are not determined solely by whether a parent is the father or mother. The court will consider the applicable law, the children’s welfare, existing caregiving arrangements, living environment and other relevant circumstances.

4. If my spouse says that they paid for the house, does that mean I have no interest in it?

The position cannot be determined solely by asking who paid for the property. The registered ownership, housing loan, payment records, parties’ contributions and other relevant circumstances may all need to be considered.

5. Should I provide all my messages and communication records to my lawyer?

You should provide your lawyer with complete and truthful information, including material that may be unfavourable to you. Concealing important facts may affect the lawyer’s assessment of the case and the way it is handled.

6. Can a lawyer immediately decide who is right or wrong during the first consultation?

Responsible legal advice should generally be based on complete facts and supporting documents. Matrimonial disputes can rarely be fully understood from one account given during a single consultation.

Head Office — Larkin, Johor Bahru
Address: No. 34-01, Jalan Idaman 2, Taman Larkin Idaman, 80350 Larkin, Johor
Tel: 07-226 6533 / 07-224 2277
Fax: 07-223 7722
WhatsApp: 016-788 9176
Email: william.lim@wfpartners.com.my

Second Branch — Southkey, Johor Bahru
Address: C-3-28, Block C, Pusat Komersial Bayu Tasek, Persiaran Southkey 1, 80150 Johor Bahru, Johor
Tel: 07-287 7925
Email: florence.toh@wfpartners.com.my

Third Branch — Nusa Jaya Mas, Skudai
Address: 15A, Jalan NJM 1/1, Taman Nusa Jaya Mas, 81300 Skudai, Johor
Tel: 07-559 2883
Mobile / WhatsApp: 016-800 6743
Email: william.lim@wfpartners.com.my
Website: https://wfnpartners.com/

For professional legal advice or further information, please visit our official website: 👉 www.wfnpartners.com

Disclaimer

This article is intended solely for general legal information and public awareness. It does not constitute legal advice for any specific case and should not be understood as encouraging anyone to obtain a divorce.

The facts, evidence, family circumstances and applicable law may differ in every marriage. Before commencing any legal proceedings, you should obtain formal advice from a qualified lawyer based on your individual circumstances.